"Be the change you want to see in the world" Simply said, hardly done. Each person follows a path of choice to a future unknown. The complicated situations that we find ourselves in on a daily basis shape who we are as a person. Recently I have been a horrible person. I have done nothing to better myself or the world around me. Growing up I was a positive young lady with ambition to change the world, or to at least put a dent in society. Volunteering was my passion. During the summer I would volunteer at a zoo near my community. The work was tough, the hours were long, but the guests were thankful. I also was involved in a local girl scout troop. The volunteering that I did there helped shape young girls into responsible respectful women. I was able to watch these girls transform over the years. I was a role model to those girls, and everything they saw me do they began to mimic. Know my question is: Where did my ambition go? I have not volunteered or given back to my community in any way these past few years. I feel that my impact on society is non existent. I know in the past I helped people create memories that will last a lifetime, but why did I let those opportunities run out? Is it to late for me to change who I have become? If only you could have seen me interacting with the young girls in my girl scout troop. I was their leader, and they looked up to me. What would they think about me if they saw me walk down the street? Would they still look up to me with their innocent eyes? Could I still be a role model for these young girls, or would they be disappointed in who i have become?
(I will always love you) :
You walked into my life, and I was a complete disaster. I even remember you telling me how conceded and self absorbed I came across. I put my tough girl look on and ignored the fact that your words hurt me. They hurt me a lot. The simple things that you say tear me down, and at times it is hard to get back up. I have fallen into a hole where it is easier to dig deeper then to climb out. That was not me, I have never been one to give up on what I want in life. You were there for me through so much and you always kept me positive, but now you have stuck me in a place where I can't tell up from down. The days blend together and nothing ever changes. I always receive the same answer from you and it is never clear. I don't need a relationship, I don't need a title, but I do need you. I need you to help me become a better person the truth is: I know I can't do it alone. I do a great job playing the tough girl and it takes a lot for me to admit that I can't do something. This past month I seem to be in a very low place. I have hit depression and happiness at the same time and it seems the negative attitude is the only thing that shows. When did I become the person who gave off a negative vibe? Have you always thought of me in those ways? Did I ever change your assumptions of me? I know that the past few months have been difficult for you. There have been many changes in your life and I have not been there to support you. I feel like each time you open up to me I block out your words and change the subject. When I do that I can't expect you to trust me. Over the past eight months you have changed me as a person, for the better. I have not only failed you but also myself. I made a promise that I would put others above myself and clearly I have not done that.
A new chapter:
"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Today I began a new chapter in my life. I am afraid that I will fail and leave my family and friends disappointed. I know that I have not lived up to my own expectations thus far and I hope to change that over the next six months. I wish to change my negative attitude and create a positive life lasting experience. I have never been away from my family for this long, but my goal is to return home and show my family that they have raised me to be a successful responsible young lady. If this experience can make me develop more as a person then I think I may be able to return to my status as a respectable role model for my sister. She watches my every move and has always looked up to me. Most people think that she is a loud obnoxious child, but she is just misunderstood. I have a wonderful sister and with my help she has the chance to become a wonderful fun loving woman. I can't say the same for my brothers. I have tried to help them, but now the choice is theirs. These six months of my life will change who I am as a person. It could be either a positive or negative experience and it all depends on my mindset.
"One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind." Romans 14:5
