Un dia a la vez

La verdad es que la vida es dura, y el tiempo no nos esperara.
The truth is that life is tough, and time will not wait for us.

I lay in bed tonight thinking of all the time that has passed me by. I wait. Each morning I wake up and I wait for my life to begin. Each night I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep. I have decided that I will accomplish nothing by waiting. I ponder on the memories i could have created while I was waiting for my life to begin. My life began 19 years ago and today I sit with none of my dreams accomplished. Did I think my dreams were going to be handed to me on a silver platter? I must have been oblivious to the obvious. Time is not waiting for me to begin my life or accomplish my goals. If i want something completed I need to get out of bed and work towards it, one step at a time. That process begins now.

Questions left unanswered

I build this world up so high only to be torn down by my own expectations. I am far from perfect and by no means do I hope to degrade people when my standards are not met, but a sense of disappointment comes over me when I realize that once again my expectations have let me down. Each time this topic arises in my head I only blame the external sources. The truth is, I higher my standards to an unreachable amount. I have this picture perfect idea in my mind and expect everyone to rise to that level. Wishful thinking. I must learn to have faith in people. Over the past few years I have opened up and given all of my heart to those who only wanted it for an art project. They painted a picture of heartache and it to this day hangs on my wall. Afraid now to let anyone in I have crossed to the opposite extreme. I am over cautious and over analyze every situation. I relate this back to my past failed relationships. Those people who made a bloody painting out of my emotions stick in my head every time I meet a new man. I have generalized men into a category: heartbreak. Someone has yet to prove me different, but this may be because I wont let them in. If I have the mindset that these men will only tear my heart out then how can they prove to me that they are in fact different. Except one person.

God has a reason for each person who walks through our lives.

In this past year I had some inspirational people come into my life. Two in particular:

The first is a coworker. He was someone I had worked with for over a year, but I not once lowered my self inflated ego to let him in. Thankfully he was still willing to get to know me. This person change me, for the better. I now approach situations in a different matter, and have improved my relationship with God. I owe him my gratitude.

The second is a classmate. Her and I met last semester in a 7:45 am English class, but we began a closer friendship these past few weeks. She was down in FL at the same time I was visiting a very important person. Although there we only hung out twice, we became closer then we had been in the past six months. She has gotten to know me, for who I am. Not who I pretended to be. She also pointed out that I come across different than I actually am. Her perspective of me at the start is completely different then the person that she knows. I am thankful that she has walked into my life, and gotten to know me. I can not wait for what is in-store for us.